[EP7] The Relational Dynamics within Industrial Lifts
"Say something. Don't say something. SAY something. NO!"
[Scene opens with the lights dimmed, projector glowing softly. Trevor is seated with a fresh stack of note cards and a cup of ginger tea. The mood is solemn, unnecessarily so.]
Trevor: Today’s meeting will be led by Lenny. I’m yielding the floor. Temporarily.
Lenny: [rising with a folder of annotated diagrams] Thank you. I’ve titled this brief presentation: "The Relational Dynamics within Industrial Lifts." Elevators, as enclosed vertical conveyance systems, possess a unique atmospheric pressure—not just physically, but emotionally. Statistically, they are the most combustible environment for unprocessed social tension.
Dion: [standing suddenly] I have to pee.
Kurt: [grabs Dion’s robe mid-exit and shoves him back into his seat] Sit down.
Dion: [crosses arms, muttering] Didn’t need to go anyway.
Lenny: As I was saying—average boundary violations in elevators occur 4.7 seconds faster than in any other confined public space. Median personal-space intervention ranges between one deep breath and a full-body emotional withdrawal.
Cyril: Are we attempting to solve for the emotional quotient of elevator interaction individuals, or simply determining the optimal ratio by which to preserve introversion while adequately padding extroversion from further contact?
Casper: [yawns] Personally, I just enjoy the inability of pretty people to escape my gaze.
Trevor: [looks up sharply] Jesus, Casper. Creep much?
Artie: [subtly scoots chair farther from Casper]
Nels: I believe elevators, much like baptisms, are symbolic thresholds. Confined in upward motion, we are invited to release control and enter communion with the unknown.
Dion: [perks up] It’s also a great place to meet chicks. You just spray on the ol’ charm and watch ‘em melt.
Cyril: [without looking up] And thus humanity was reduced to fragrance-based thermodynamics.
[Everyone laughs. Except Dion. He crosses his arms tighter and slouches lower.]
Artie: Kurt, what flavor is that?
Kurt: [mouth full] Panther Passion. Protein-infused. Low-carb. Has a hint of cinnamon trauma.
Lenny: In closing: elevators, like households, are pressure chambers. How we fill the silence often says more than what we say.
Trevor: Well... once again we solved nothing. And yet, somehow—everything.
[Scene closes with Casper fiddling with a pocket mirror, Dion still sulking, and Lenny quietly filing his diagrams away into a folder labeled "claustrophobic intimacy." Trevor drinks his tea. Simon leans slightly toward the projector light.]
End Session.